Fax Bumps (or...how I waste my nights)

[MrHang]

So I was gathering the latest Fax Bumps and originally, I thought there may have been a plot to them but they never aired them all...well now it looks like we have the COMPLETE story, which will be uploaded by week's end   It's actually a pretty fascinating tale, with sordid happenings between 3 parties which culminates in a violent and destructive end!!  I think AS needs to greenlight more shows with just half the intrigue of this set of 6 bumps.

::curtain opens::

Our story begins in the morning, where our poor, tired old fax machine is just trying to have his morning cup of coffee.  It's hard enough not being able to print in color, but lately there's been rumblings about *gasp* replacements.  He grabs a cup next to the tray of bagels.  The poor guy takes a sip but OH GOD it's too hot!!  So he freaks out!  Suddenly, the office bitch walks by and she says, "Ew, I think it's about time to replace him..." and slaps an aggressive, poorly written post-it screaming "Please REPLACE!!!" right on his LCD readout!  The nerve!!  Our protagonist faxes in agony as he begins to realize his impending demise...

The office geek then comes along with a sleek new black fax machine.  As the inept nerd spills his lunch all over the floor while attempting to unpack the new machine, we can sense that he feels shunned by his co-workers.  The outcast can only find solace in the floor-cheetos that he consumes as he lovingly places the output tray on the slick, sexy new fax machine.  As he picks up his bag, he glances one last time at his newfound love that he just painstakingly set up.  Our old friend the white machine however, is quick to fall head over heels in love with this shiny new piece of modern technology.  He feels that she's definitely out of his league however...

So he attempts to break the ice with TACOS!!  I mean, who doesn't love tacos?!  As he inserts a taco into his feed tray, he confidently and gingerly presses his Fax button, sending it off to his new neighbor.  She's more than happy to print out a nice new color picture for him and exclaims "omg i love tacos!!! ".  She then reaches out to give him a coy little wave.

Our friend the white machine reaches out to say hello as well...however he is shy at first, unsure if he should make an advance or play it casually.  After a few tense seconds, he builds up the confidence to touch one of her buttons!  The black machine responds favorably with a seductive "go on" at which point our hero decides to cut loose and go big!!  He presses her number keys and power button vigorously until she finally prints out full color picture of a gushing fountain!!! 

As our happy white machine continues slowly pressing the black machine's buttons, basking in the afterglow of a successful fax and printout, the black machine wishes to reciprocate the attentions that have been lavished upon her.  She reaches out, caressing his beige ABS plastic exterior as she lands on his Stop/Exit button.  But no, that's not the right one!  Our friend the white machine takes her hand, urging her towards his very large, round and blue Start button!  She presses it repeatedly as he presses his Options button!!  So fast in fact that it causes a paper jam for our poor white machine!!

As the two lovers caress each others exteriors, one matte beige, one glossy black, they both realize they have quickly fallen the other.  The love that the black machine has started to feel has burned like phosphorus. For our off-white hero, his love has grown like a cancer inside; consuming him until there's nothing left.  Continuing their affectionate petting of each other, it quickly erupts into more button pushing!  Faster and faster they push, as the office pariah walks by.  He stops and takes notice.  Our machines realize they have been spotted.  They quickly stop their amorous movements and slink back into their shells.  The khaki wearing exile glances back, noticing, but unable to believe what he has just seen.  As he turns to us, his eyes start to burn with the fury of a neutron star.  His rage slowly collapsing in on itself becoming a quasar of hate and destruction.

During his break, the enraged drone worker makes a trip to the supply room only to find an antique hand drill.  "I can use this" he thinks to himself, "so I can see what's really going on between them when I'm not around!"  Taking the drill, with a growl he starts turning the crank until he manages to break through to the other side of the wall.  He watches in horror as the two machines entwine themselves around each other in a fit of 56k passion.  He realizes then that something must be done to protect his love.  His....black machine.

The jealous office outcast has been watching this whole lurid affair transpire before his very eyes.  He starts to lose control, becoming sweaty and itchy.  His eyes burn and his mind burns even hotter.  As much as he tries to unsee these happenings and move on with his life, he can't dig deep enough into his skull through his eye sockets to tear out the images of those two together. 

"I set up the black fax machine!" he says to himself.  "I brought her into this office...and I set her up!  She's not yours, she's mine! And she'll always be mine!!" He grabs a bat that he had been keeping below his desk...

He nonchalantly walks over to the table, hiding the implement behind his back.  He nears the two lovers and they notice something is amiss.  As he brings the cudgel out in plain view, the two machines hold hands tightly for one final embrace.  He raises his bat, bringing the full force of his vengeance down upon our poor white fax machine.  Over and over again he strikes him, barely pausing to catch his breath.  Adding insult to injury, he tosses the chips from his lunch onto the machine's input tray as he strikes him repeatedly.  As he growls and inflicts one final blow on our poor friend, he drops his implement and embraces the black fax machine.  The insane office worker whispers "It's ok..." as he kisses the top of the black machine.  Clearing the table, our foe sighs contentedly with his arms wrapped around his prize.  We see our hero in pieces on the floor, along with beaten bits of taco and paper spilled everywhere. Having been trapped in the web of another's jealousy, he lies there, broken, a shattered victim of his own emotions.

As the dust settles, we find our hero has been replaced with a stack of paper trays.  His lover, the black machine, reaches out.  Wanting her love to be there so badly, but knowing what the past has held, she cries out in agony for her fallen love.  Holding herself and slamming her hand down against the table, unable to deal with the pain inside, she slinks back into herself, printing a lovely full-color image of her lost love with the words "I Will Always Love You" scrawled across the page.

::curtain closes::

[NumyMufn]

  I think AS needs to greenlight more shows with just half the intrigue of this set of 6 bumps.

Seconded... I trust you'll be updating this posts with links? 

[MrHang]

Here's a temp link to the full compilation until I finish this week's bumps

http://apt-305.com/TwistedFaxMachineCompilation.mp4

Once the full saga is up, I'll relink to them here in order   Enjoy!

[Beefy]

*claps*

I remember when I used to write.  Sadly, work sucked all my creativity out of me.

I think you're missing a bump where after the old machine is gone, the newer one is still looking for it, and it prints a page saying "I will always love you."

[NumyMufn]

Awww... that's so sad 

[MrHang]

Yeah I saw two new ones after I wrote that saga and I was like "Crap...I gotta update it!"  So tonight I'll recompile the bumps and add two new chapters to this epic tome

[MrHang]

Updated the original post to reflect the new bumps   Enjoy!

[Beefy]

Another new bump aired Sunday night during the encore Oblongs. 
After he drills the hole in the wall to spy on the machines, the office geek eats a taco.

[Daikun]

Once this saga is complete, you guys need to upload this as an official bump on the site.